Western Eyes: Seeking Spirituality With Religious Trauma

“God is at home, it is who have went out for a walk.” -Meister Eckhart


Americans are mongrelized. We can stop by and grab oreo cookie churros after praying at a temple with monks from Thailand. African hair salons and Indian grocers are commonplace amongst the McDonalds and BBQ houses we’re known for. There’s more cultural diversity here than anywhere else and yet we’re still xenophobic and closed minded in many regards.

Our global persona is oftentimes enforced by military occupations and business ventures agreed upon by some unfortunate soul staring down the barrel of a gun. Sometimes we’ve been lucky enough to receive the refugees fleeing some other imperialist countries ambition- A generation or so later they’re a part of us fully equipped with kids dipping chicken nuggets in ranch watching reels on social media.

I love it and hate it all at the same time. There’s no place like it but we’ve got so far to go.

Our national religion is Protestant but you’d be hard pressed to find people who actually know much about it’s roots or traditions. Granted, that isn’t a purely American phenomenon. I’ve had plenty of conversations with friends overseas who view their own countries in a similar light. Religion is dying out as dogma gives way to scientific rationale.

Funny thing is, I won’t be missing religion and am completely content to let it die.


When the Pentecostal church body who raised you on an unhealthy diet of “if you died today where would you go” openly attack your earliests posts it’s not surprising. A title like Christ & Kharma stirs something in ‘spirit-filled’ evangelicals that they can’t help but attack. Misinformation and fear mongering may be the most unchristian thing a follower of Yeshua can do but these movements formed from groups who saw the Eastern Orthodox as too mystical and split.

Now it works for them. I have plenty of friends who are pentecostals and beautiful human beings. They’re loving sons of wonderful mothers with cute little kids and picket fences. They may stumble into service hungover from binge watching TWD and sipping whiskey, but again, we’re mongrels. Fallen, fouled up and finite is our battle cry.

Thus is the nature of being gifted with the curse of abundance and scare tactic religions. We were taught to treat anyone who isn’t a Christian as a part of the ‘world’ the Apostle Paul called us to shun. Never you mind the preachers Cadillac or the display of wealth amidst the congregation. Just step over bums because they chose to be addicts and serve the devil.

I know, why can’t Christians be more like those YouTubers who give money to homeless people on camera showing everyone how wonderful they are? Again, it’s not an isolated phenomenon that only happens here within a specific community. We give our egos so many new outfits to strut all over the place in. It’ll take a huge shift in human thinking to bring about genuine change but we are getting there.


Religious symbolism is ingrained in the American landscape. With less than 8% of Gen Z youts having even stepped in a religious institution it’s a wonder anyone still makes references to burning in Hades but somehow… those fears are deeply embedded in our popular culture.

You can imagine my frustration as I attempt untangling Greek Mystery Religions from Yeshua’s teaching in a nation with lingering religious trauma. Fire and brimstone preachers were so effective they’ve flipped epigenetic switches delivering PTSD to kids who have never been in a service. As parents, we Gen Xers went out of our way to raise them in “secular” homes. Yet, we still give them gifts on Horus’ birthday at the winter solstice and host easter egg hunts at the spring equinox.

To be offended at the intentional omission of the state religions observances at those shifts is to forget those who created our ‘christian’ traditions. They brought those observances into the mix to convert pagans in a post-constantinian Rome. Now, if I didn’t Priests with menorahs in their homes who make a roast brisket that’ll make anyones mouth water come passover I’d tell you Yeshua’s Jewishness is forgotten. It’s not. We just don’t bark as loudly as church leaders who get plastered all over prime time TV and social media for hate speech.


While I loathe religion I am a firm believer in the transformative power of mystic understanding and meditation.Which is great because true spirituality is on the rise these days. With each hate filled display these radicals make another christian searches for the roots of the faith. That’s why I write the way I do. Using all of these obscure tags is a well crafted campaign to trigger algorithms and bring people home. I’ve spent years pouring over the dead sea scrolls, nag hammadi codices and the original scriptures of the tradition. Sometimes spending months in meditation while reading nothing but the Torah and Midrashim on said Torah. Prolonged periods of fasting from communion and delving into various kabbalah study groups are a part of my pathwork. I am certain God is and that Yeshua did deliver a message of peace and love. It’s all the other mystery school fluff added into the mix I’m on the fence about.

Mystical Mindstate is meant to be a safe space for weary spiritual seekers. Sophia found me in prison during deep meditation and that’s not something unique or special. We could call it the chymical wedding and use alchemical terms and get really wuwu but shamans have been marrying their inner guides for countless millennia. Awakening to the divine feminine is a timeless tradition and I’m 99% sure the women in my life who’ve encountered Yeshua are experiencing the same. God arises within us in whatever way we can recognize. So, I don’t get to make the claim “I’m a mystic and you should listen to me.” Quite the contrary. I get to share my perspective and give you as many resources as I can so you can land on your own conclusion and do your own work. This site is meant to be a guidepost for other seekers, not a new doctrine to shackle yourself with.

Merkhabah riders were amongst the first of the Semitic tribes to write down various methods and prayers to internalize wisdom and search for God within. Plenty of texts were written in the Second Temple Period. There’s literal instruction manuals on the exact type of mysticism prominent in Qumran. None of them were writing a new doctrine either. They were delivering the seeker a beacon of light that will guide them to the shores of understanding. It’s an honor and a gift to be given insight because we get to let it shine on others.

This isn’t theory. These meditations are profound. Our background goes so far beyond the dogma we call religion and plenty of mystics have come to us with the intention of revealing the divinity in others. May we continue to enjoy them and grow together.

May only thoughts of blessings remain in our minds.


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