“Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” -Henry David Thoreau

What people do to each other in the pursuit of riches has always terrified me. Having never been a lover of things has always set me at odds with society. It’s people I care about. Stray dogs. Lonely cats. Sentient beings with feelings that drive me, not social status and flashy things.

I also struggle more than most. Pot dealers are notoriously hippie in their thinking and hippies don’t tend to save for the future or invest. I gave freely to one and all up until the day the bars slammed behind my back. All that money scattered in the wind because I never claimed ownership. From the game Gods it came and to the game Gods it returned.

As a result, I have very good relationships with my loved ones. Everything I need is provided and I’m free to pursue my own brand of happiness. That also means I am at their mercy. My options have become limited because I didn’t respect money for what it is. Money is a tool.

Until recently I hadn’t put much thought into why having a huge surplus of money mattered. All I could see was the shiny things people wanted. The rolex that flashes in the sunlight as they turned the steering wheel in their Mercedes-Benz. The perfectly made Fendi dress that adorns the plastic bimbo in the seat next to them taking in the sun. Her perfect blonde hair flowing in the wind. Certainly their mundane lives were full of treachery and deceit. She was undoubtedly a mistress and he is almost certainly a scumbag dipping behind his wife’s back whilst she drinks to the sound of her children screaming. Children being raised by their latina nanny no doubt.

As you can see, I have all these preconceived notions about, not only money, but the people who make it their Gods as well. I was being critical of their wealth without understanding all money provides anyone with is options. It is guaranteed the man in the Mercedes has the best healthcare money can provide for his children. He could easily drop whatever copay or premium is required in case his wife gets terminally ill.

This also marks the starting point of my conflict. Because I chose to be a hippie who enjoyed dealing pot and besting the man I had limited my options for the future. I am 36 years old with a hernia, a tooth that needs pulled, and a girlfriend with stage 4b lymphoma. I am all too aware of what options money could provide for my loved ones now. Chemo costs an average of 10k per treatment and she needs 11 more. I can barely fathom how to pay off my house before I’m 40 let alone how to keep her healthy.

The answer of course revolves around finance. She is now primed to go back to her home state where her family can provide all that she needs. I am to accept the lesson and take a long and hard look at my relationship with money. See, if I were the man in the Mercedes I’d call my assistant who would dash in and whisk my beloved away to the number one cancer treatment center in America.

However, I am not a rich man. I am an altruistic hippie that blogs about spirituality. I will forever put the needs of others over my desires. She must live. Even if that means we have to taste the bitterness of a momentary separation.

Fortunately I do have faith. My spiritual practice will evolve as I move through this moment taking lessons over losses. Her name will stay on the prayer list at my church. I will continue to cultivate healing light energy in my morning meditations and I will continue to focus that light into her. I will continue to imagine I am taking on the suffering of all people who live through this sort of situation. I will continue to trust in God and believe there is a reason it’s happening.

Life has never been fair, nor will it ever be easy. It’s up to us to cherish the moments we do have with the people that mean the most to us. The same way the rich would trade in all they have to save a loved one who has passed the poor wished they had the money to provide the treatments needed to spare life. Everything has balance. For every problem that money can’t solve there is a problem it could.

Like it or not, none of us exist without proof that we have viable income and we cannot escape the nature of our reality. Being born into a society where money decides who lives and dies, who drives and who doesn’t, it would stand to reason that we make money. Even the Bible says ”if you don’t work you don’t eat.” That doesn’t mean we are to bow before it and worship money or put our faith in it. No. It’s just an important means to protect what matters most. Money is a tool, nothing more, nothing less.

Think about that next time you covet or condemn the person you see who has made it their mission in life to make vast majorities of wealth. Did they set out to do so to cause harm or good? It’s the intention behind the action that matters most. It’s the why behind the desire.


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